29.97
Freddy, go and find a cab.
Do you want me to catch pneumonia?
Don't just stand there, Freddy. Go and find a cab.
All right, I'll get one.
Look where you're goin', dear. Look where you're goin'!
I'm so sorry.
Two bunches o' violets trod in the mud. A full day's wages.
- Freddy, go and find a cab. - Yes, Mother.
He's your son, is he?
If you'd done your duty as a mother should...
...you wouldn't let 'im spoil a poor girl's flow'rs and run away without payin'.
Go about your business, my girl.
And you wouldn't go off without payin', either.
Two bunches o' violets trod in the mud.
Sir, is there any sign of it stopping?
I'm afraid not. It's worse than before.
If it's worse, it's a sign it's nearly over.
Cheer up, Capt'n, buy a flow'r off a poor girl.
I'm sorry, I haven't any change.
I can change 'alf a crown. Take this for tuppence.
I told you, I'm awfully sorry. Wait a minute.
Oh, yes. Here's three ha' pence, if that's any use to you.
Thank you, sir.
You be careful. Better give 'im a flower for it.
There's a bloke here behind that pillar...
...takin' down every blessed word you're sayin'.
I ain't done nothin' wrong by speakin' to the gentleman.
I've a right to sell flow'rs if I keep off the curb.
I'm a respectable girl, so help me.
I never spoke to him except to ask him to buy a flow'r off me.
- What's the bloomin' noise? - A tec's takin' her down.
I'm makin' an honest livin'.
Who's doing all that shouting?
Sir, don't let 'im charge me. You dunno what it means to me.
They'll take away me character and drive me on the streets...
...for speakin' to gentlemen.
There, there. Who's hurting you, you silly girl? What'd you take me for?
On my Bible oath, I never spoke a word.
Shut up! Do I look like a policeman?
Why'd ya take down me words? 'Ow do I know you took me down right?
You just show me what you wrote ab'ut me.
That ain't proper writin'. I can't read it.
I can.
"I say, Capt'n, now buy a flow'r off a poor girl."
Oh, it's cause I called him "Capt'n."
I meant no 'arm. Sir, don't let him lay a charge against me for a word like that.
I'll make no charge. Really, sir, if you are a detective...
...you needn't protect me against molestation from young women...
...until I ask you.
Anyone could tell the girl meant no harm.
He ain't no tec. He's a gentleman. Look at his boots.
How are all your people down at Selsey?
Who told you my people come from Selsey?
Never mind, they do.
How do you come to be up so far east? You were born in Lisson Grove.
What 'arm is there in my leavin' Lisson Grove?
It weren't fit for pigs to live. I had to pay four and six a week.
Live where you like but stop that noise!
Come, come, he can't touch you. You've a right to live where you please.
I'm a good girl, I am.
- Where do I come from? - Hawkestone.
Who said I didn't? Blimey, you know everything, you do.
You, sir, do you think you could find me a taxi?
Madam, it's stopped raining.
You can get a motorbus to Hampton Court.
Isn't that where you live?
What impertinence!
Tell 'im where he comes from, if you wanta go fortune-telling.
Cheltenham, Harrow...
...Cambridge and...
...lndia?
Quite right.
He ain't a tec, he's a bloomin' busybody.
Do you do this sort of thing for a living at a music hall?
I have thought of it. Perhaps I will one day.
He's no gentleman, he ain't, to interfere with a poor girl!
How do you do it, may I ask?
Simple phonetics. The science of speech. That's my profession. Also my hobby.
Anyone can spot an Irishman or a Yorkshireman by his brogue...
...but I can place a man within six miles.
I can place 'im within two miles in London. Sometimes within two streets.
Ought to be ashamed of 'imself, unmanly coward.
- Is there a living in that? - Oh, yes.
Let him mind his own business and leave a poor girl alone.
Cease this detestable boohooing instantly...
...or else seek the shelter of some other place of worship!
I have a right to be here if I like, same as you!
A woman who utters such disgusting, depressing noises...
...has no right to be anywhere, no right to live.
Remember, you're a human with a soul...
...and the divine gift of articulate speech.
Your native language is the language of Shakespeare and...
...Milton and the Bible. Don't sit there crooning like a bilious pigeon.
"Look at her, a prisoner of the gutters
"Condemned by every syllable she utters
"By right she should be taken out and hung
"For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue"
Heavens, what a sound!
"This is what the British population
"Calls an elementary education"
Come, sir, I think you've picked a poor example.
Did I?
"Hear them down in Soho Square Dropping H's everywhere
"Speaking English any way they like
"Hey, you, sir, did you go to school?
"What ya tike me for, a fool?
"No one taught him 'take' instead of 'tike'
"Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse Hear a Cornishman converse
"I'd rather hear a choir singing flat
"Chickens cackling in a barn Just like this one
"Garn!
"I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that?
"It's 'aoow' and 'garn' that keep her in her place
"Not her wretched clothes and dirty face
"Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
"This verbal class distinction by now should be antique
"If you spoke as she does, sir, instead of the way you do
"Why, you might be selling flowers, too"
I beg your pardon.
"An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him
"The moment he talks he makes some other Englishman despise him
"One common language I'm afraid we'll never get
"Oh, why can't the English learn to...
"...set a good example to people whose English is painful to your ears
"The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears
"There even are places where English completely disappears
"Why, in America they haven't used it for years!
"Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
"Norwegians learn Norwegian, the Greeks are taught their Greek
"In France every Frenchman knows his language from 'A' to 'Z'
"The French don't care what they do actually
"As long as they pronounce it properly
"Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning
"The Hebrews learn it backwards which is absolutely frightening
"Use proper English, you're regarded as a freak
"Oh, why can't the English
"Why can't the English learn to speak?"
Thank you.
See this creature with her curbstone English...
...that'll keep her in the gutter till the end of her days?
In six months I could pass her off as a duchess at an Embassy Ball.
I could get her a job as a lady's maid or a shop assistant...
...which requires better English.
What's that you say?
Yes, you squashed cabbage leaf!
You disgrace to the noble architecture of these columns!
You incarnate insult to the English language!
I could pass you off as the Queen of Sheba.
You don't believe that, Capt'n?
Anything's possible. I, myself, am a student of Indian dialects.
Are you? Do you know Colonel Pickering, the author of "Spoken Sanskrit"?
I am Colonel Pickering. Who are you?
I'm Henry Higgins, author of "Higgins' Universal Alphabet".
I came from India to meet you!
I was going to India to meet you!
- Where are you staying? - At the Carleton.
No, you're not. You're staying at 27 A Wimpole Street.
You come with me. We'll have a little jaw over supper.
Indian dialects have always fascinated me.
Buy a flower. I'm short for me lodgin'.
Liar!
You said you could change half a crown.
You ought to be stuffed with nails, you ought!
Here, take the whole bloomin' basket for a sixpence!
A reminder.
- How many are there actually? - How many what?
Indian dialects?
No fewer than 147 distinct languages are recorded as vernacular in India.
Shouldn't we stand up, gentlemen? We've got a bloomin' heiress in our midst.
Would you be lookin' for a good butler, Eliza?
Well, you won't do.
"It's rather dull in town I think I'll take me to Paris
"The missus wants to open up the castle in Capri
"Me doctor recommends a quiet summer by the sea
"Wouldn't it be loverly?"
Where are ya bound for this year, Eliza? Biarritz?
"All I want is a room somewhere
"Far away from the cold night air
"With one enormous chair
"Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
"Lots of chocolate for me to eat
"Lots of coal makin' lots of 'eat
"Warm face, warm 'ands, warm feet
"Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
"Oh, so loverly sittin'
"Absobloominlutely still
"I would never budge till Spring
"Crept over the winder sill
"Someone's 'ead restin' on my knee
"Warm and tender as he can be
"Who takes good care of me
"Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
"Loverly
"All I want is a room somewhere
"Far away from the cold night air
"With one enormous chair
"Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
"Lots of chocolate for me to eat
"Lots of coal makin' lots of 'eat
"Warm face, warm 'ands, warm feet
"Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
"Oh, so loverly sittin'
"Absobloominlutely still
"I would never budge till Spring
"Crept over the winder sill
"Someone's 'ead restin' on my knee
"Warm and tender as he can be
"Who takes good care of me
"Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
"Loverly
"Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
"Loverly
"Wouldn't it be loverly?"
Come on, Alfie, let's go 'ome now. This place is givin' me the willies.
Home? What do you want to go 'ome for?
It's nearly 5:00. My daughter Eliza'll be along soon.
She ought to be good for 'alf a crown for a father that loves 'er.
That's a laugh. You ain't been near 'er for months.
What's that got to do with it? What's 'alf a crown after all I've give 'er?
When did you ever give 'er anythin'?
Anythin'? I give 'er everythin'.
I give 'er the greatest gift any human being can give to another:
Life!
I introduced 'er to this here planet, I did, with all its wonders and marvels.
The sun that shines, the moon that glows.
Hyde Park to walk through on a fine spring night.
The 'ole ruddy city o' London to roam around in sellin' 'er bloomin' flow'rs.
I give 'er all that.
Then I disappears and leaves 'er on 'er own to enjoy it.
If that ain't worth 'alf a crown now and again...
...l'll take my belt off and give 'er what for.
You got a good 'eart. But you want a 'alf a crown out o' Eliza...
...you better have a good story.
Leave that to me, my boy.
- Good mornin', George. - Not a brass farthin'.
Not a brass farthin'.
There she is.
Why, Liza, what a surprise.
Hop along, Charlie, you're too old for me.
- Don't you know your daughter? - You don't know what she looks like.
I know 'er, I know 'er. Come on, I'll find 'er.
Eliza, what a surprise.
Not a brass farthin'.
Hey, you come 'ere, Eliza.
I ain't gonna take me 'ard-earned wages...
...and let you pass 'em on to a bloody pubkeeper.
You wouldn't send me 'ome to your stepmother...
...without a drop o' liquid protection, would ya?
Stepmother, indeed!
Well, I'm willin' to marry 'er. It's me that suffers by it.
I'm a slave to that woman, Eliza.
Just because I ain't 'er lawful 'usband.
Come on.
Slip your ol' dad just 'alf a crown to go 'ome on.
Well, I had a bit o' luck meself last night.
But don't keep comin' around countin' on 'alf crowns from me!
Thank you, Eliza. You're a noble daughter.
"Beer, beer, glorious beer
"Fill yourself right up"
See this creature with her curbstone English...
... that will keep her in the gutter till the end of her days?
In six months, I could pass her off as a duchess at an Embassy Ball.
I could get her a job as a lady's maid or a shop assistant...
... which requires better English.
You disgrace to the noble architecture of these columns!
I could get her a job as a lady's maid or a shop assistant...
... which requires better English.
How many vowel sounds did you hear altogether?
I believe I counted 24.
Wrong by 100. To be exact you heard 130.
Listen to them one at a time.
Must I? I'm really quite done up for one morning.
Your name, please?
Your name, miss?
My name is of no concern to you whatsoever.
One moment, please.
London is gettin' so dirty these days.
I'm Mrs. Pearce, the housekeeper. Can I help you?
Good morning, missus. I'd like to see the professor, please.
Could you tell me what it's about?
It's business of a personal nature.
One moment, please.
- Mr. Higgins? - What is it, Mrs. Pearce?
There's a young woman who wants to see you, sir.
A young woman?
What does she want?
She's quite a common girl, sir. Very common indeed.
I should've sent her away, only I thought...
...you wanted her to talk into your machine.
- Has she an interesting accent? - Simply ghastly.
Good. Let's have her in. Show her in, Mrs. Pearce.
This is rather a bit of luck. I'll show you how I make records.
We'll set her talking, then I'll take her down first in Bell's Visible Speech...
...then in broad Romic. Then we'll get her on the phonograph...
...so you can turn her on when you want with the written transcript before you.
This is the young woman, sir.
Good mornin', my good man.
Might I 'ave a word with you?
Oh, no. This is the girl I jotted down last night.
She's no use. I got the records I want of the Lisson Grove lingo.
I won't waste another cylinder on that.
Be off with you. I don't want you.
Don't be so saucy. You ain't 'eard what I come for yet.
Did you tell 'im I come in a taxi?
Nonsense. Do you think a gentleman like Mr. Higgins cares...
...what you came in?
Oh, we are proud.
He ain't above givin' lessons, not 'im. I 'eard 'im say so.
I ain't come here to ask for any compliment...
...and if my money's not good enough, I can go elsewhere.
Good enough for what?
Good enough for you.
Now you know, don't ya? I'm come to 'ave lessons.
And to pay for 'em, too, make no mistake.
Well!
And what do you expect me to say?
Well, if you was a gentleman, you might ask me to sit down, I think.
Don't I tell you I'm bringin' you business?
Should we ask this baggage to sit down...
...or shall we just throw her out of the window?
I won't be called a baggage. Not when I've offered to pay like any lady.
What do you want, my girl?
I want to be a lady in a flow'r shop...
...'stead of sellin' at the corner of Tottenham Court Road.
But they won't take me unless I can talk more genteel.
He said 'e could teach me.
Well, 'ere I am ready to pay 'im.
Not asking any favor and he treats me as if I was dirt.
I know what lessons cost as well as you do and I'm ready to pay.
How much?
Now you're talkin'.
I thought you'd come off it for a chance to get back...
...a bit of what you chucked at me last night.
You'd had a drop in, 'adn't you?
Sit down.
- Lf you're goin' t' make a compliment of it... - Sit down!
Sit down, girl. Do as you're told.
What's your name?
Eliza Doolittle.
Won't you sit down, Miss Doolittle?
I don't mind if I do.
How much do you propose to pay me for these lessons?
Oh, I know what's right.
My lady friend gets French lessons for 18 pence an hour...
...from a real French gentleman.
You wouldn't have the face to ask me the same...
...for teachin' me my own language as you would for French.
I won't give more than a shillin'. Take it or leave it.
Do you know, Pickering, if you think of a shilling...
...not as a simple shilling, but as a percentage of this girl's income...
...it works out as fully equivalent of...
...60 or 70 pounds from a millionaire.
By George, it's enormous. It's the biggest offer I ever had.
Sixty pounds? What are you talkin' about? Where would I get 60 pounds?
- I never offered you 60 pounds! - Hold your tongue!
But I ain't got 60 pounds!
Don't cry, silly girl. Sit down. Nobody's going to touch your money.
Somebody'll touch you with a broomstick if you don't stop sniveling.
Sit down!
Anybody'd think you was my father!
If I decide to teach you, I'll be worse than two fathers to you.
Here.
What's this for?
To wipe your eyes. To wipe any part of your face that feels moist.
Remember, that's your handkerchief and that's your sleeve.
Don't confuse one with the other, if you want to become a lady in a shop.
It's no use to talk to her like that. She doesn't understand you.
Give the 'andkerchief to me. He give it to me, not to you!
Higgins, I'm interested.
What about your boast...
...you could pass her off as a duchess at the Embassy Ball?
I'll say you're the greatest teacher alive if you do that.
I'll bet you all the expenses of the experiment that you can't do it.
I'll even pay for the lessons.
You're real good. Thank ye, Capt'n.
It's almost irresistible.
She's so deliciously low.
So horribly dirty.
I ain't dirty! I washed my face an' hands before I come, I did.
I'll take it. I'll make a duchess of this draggle-tailed guttersnipe.
We'll start today. This moment. Take her away and clean her.
Sandpaper, if it won't come off. Is there a fire in the kitchen?
Take her clothes off and burn them and order some new ones.
Just wrap her in brown paper till they come.
You're no gentleman, you're not, to talk o' such things.
I'm a good girl, I am.
And I know what the likes of you are, I do.
We want none of your slum prudery here, young woman.
You've got to learn to behave like a duchess.
Take her away, Mrs. Pearce. If she gives you any trouble, wallop her.
I'll call the police, I will.
I've got no place to put her.
Well, put her in the dustbin.
Come, Higgins, be reasonable.
You must be reasonable, Mr. Higgins, you must.
You can't walk over everybody like this.
I?
Walk over everybody?
My dear Mrs. Pearce, my dear Pickering, I had no intention of walking over anybody.
I merely suggested we should be kind to this poor girl.
I didn't express myself clearly because I didn't wish to hurt her delicacy...
...or yours.
But, sir, you can't take a girl up like that...
...as if you were picking up a pebble on the beach.
Why not?
Why not? But you don't know anything about her.
What about her parents? She may be married.
Garn!
There. As the girl very properly says, "garn!"
Who'd marry me?
By George, Eliza...
...the streets will be strewn with the bodies of men...
...shooting themselves for your sake before I'm done with you.
I'm goin'.
He's off his chump, he is. I don't want no balmies teachin' me.
Mad? All right, Mrs. Pearce, don't order those new clothes.
- Throw her out. - Stop! I won't allow it.
Go home to your parents, girl.
I ain't got no parents.
She ain't got no parents. What's the fuss?
Nobody wants her. She's no use to anyone but me. Take her upstairs!
What's to become of her? Is she to be paid anything?
Do be sensible, sir.
What'd she do with money? She'll have food and clothes.
She'll drink if you give her money.
You are a brute! It's a lie!
Nobody ever saw the sign o' liquor on me.
Sir, you're a gentleman. Don't let 'im speak to me like that!
Does it occur to you, Higgins, the girl has some feelings?
No, I don't think so. No feelings we need worry about.
Well, have you, Eliza?
I got me feelings same as anyone else.
Mr. Higgins, I must know on what terms the girl is to be here.
What'll become of her when you've finished teaching?
You must look ahead a little, sir.
What'll become of her if we leave her in the gutter, Mrs. Pearce?
That's her own business, not yours, Mr. Higgins.
When I'm done, we'll throw her back.
Then it'll be her own business again. That'll be all right, won't it?
You've no feelin' 'eart in ya!
You don't care for nothin' but yourself.
I've 'ad enough of this. I'm goin'!
You ought to be ashamed of yourself!
Have some chocolates, Eliza.
'Ow do I know what might be in 'em?
I've 'eard of girls bein' drugged by the likes o' you.
Pledge of good faith.
I'll take one half.
And you take the other.
You'll have boxes of them, barrels of them every day.
You'll live on them, eh?
I wouldn't 've ate it, only I'm too ladylike to take it out o' me mouth.
Think of it, Eliza. Think of chocolates, and taxis...
...and gold and diamonds.
I don't want no gold and no diamonds. I'm a good girl, I am.
Higgins, I really must interfere. Mrs. Pearce is quite right.
If this girl will put herself in your hands for six months...
...for an experiment in teaching, she must understand thoroughly what she's doing.
You are to stay here for the next six months...
...learning how to speak beautifully like a lady in a florist shop.
If you're good and do what you're told, you'll sleep in a proper bedroom...
...have lots to eat, money to buy chocolates and take rides in taxis.
But if you are naughty and idle...
...you'll sleep in the kitchen amongst the black beetles...
...and be walloped by Mrs. Pearce with a broomstick.
At the end of six months, you shall be taken to Buckingham Palace...
...in a carriage, beautifully dressed.
If the king finds out that you are not a lady...
...the police will take you to the Tower of London where your head will be cut off...
...as a warning to other presumptuous flower girls.
But if you are not found out, you shall have a present of...
...seven and six to start life with as a lady in a shop.
If you refuse this offer...
...you will be the most ungrateful, wicked girl...
...and the angels will weep for you!
Are you satisfied, Pickering?
I don't understand what you're talking about.
Could I put it more plainly or fairly, Mrs. Pearce?
Come with me.
That's right. Bundle her off to the bathroom.
You're a great bully, you are!
I won't stay here if I don't like it. I won't let nobody wallop me!
Don't answer back, girl.
I've always been a good girl, I 'ave.
In six months... in three, if she has a good ear and a quick tongue...
...l'll take her anywhere and I'll pass her off as anything.
I'll make a queen of that barbarous wretch!
I've never had a bath in me life. Not what you'd call a proper one.
You know you can't be a nice girl inside if you're dirty outside.
I'll have to put you in here. This will be your bedroom.
I couldn't sleep in here, missus.
It's too good for the likes o' me.
I should be afraid to touch anythin'.
I ain't a duchess yet, you know.
What's this? This where you wash clothes?
This is where we wash ourselves, Eliza. And where I'm going to wash you.
You expect me to get into that and wet meself all over?
Not me!
I shall catch me death.
Come along now.
Come along.
Take your clothes off.
Come on, girl, do as you're told. Take your clothes off.
Here, come on. Help me take these...
Take your hands off me!
I'm a good girl, I am!
It ain't right! It ain't decent!
Get your hands off me!
I'm a good girl, I am!
Forgive the bluntness, but if I'm to be in this business...
...I shall feel responsible for the girl.
I hope it's clearly understood that no advantage is to be taken of her position.
What, that thing? Sacred, I assure you.
Come now, you know what I mean. This is no trifling matter.
Are you a man of good character where women are concerned?
Have you ever met a man of good character where women are concerned?
Yes, very frequently.
I haven't. The moment I let a woman make friends with me...
...she becomes jealous, exacting...
...suspicious and a damned nuisance.
The moment that I make friends with a woman I become selfish and tyrannical.
So here I am, a confirmed old bachelor and likely to remain so.
Well, after all, Pickering...
"I'm an ordinary man
"Who desires nothing more
"Than just an ordinary chance
"To live exactly as he likes
"And do precisely what he wants
"An average man, am I
"Of no eccentric whim
"Who likes to live his life
"Free of strife
"Doing whatever he thinks is best for him
"Oh, just an ordinary man
"But let a woman in your life
"And your serenity is through
"She'll redecorate your home From the cellar to the dome
"Then go on to the enthralling fun of overhauling you!
"Let a woman in your life
"And you are up against a wall
"Make a plan and you will find She has something else in mind
"So rather than do either You do something else that neither
"Likes at all!
"You want to talk of Keats or Milton
"She only wants to talk of love
"You go to see a play or ballet
"And spend it searching for her glove
"Let a woman in your life
"And you invite eternal strife
"Let them buy their wedding bands
"For those anxious little hands
"I'd be equally as willing For a dentist to be drilling
"Than to ever let a woman in my life!
"I'm a very gentle man
"Even-tempered and good-natured Whom you never hear complain
"Who has the milk of human kindness By the quart in every vein
"A patient man am I Down to my fingertips
"The sort who never could Ever would
"Let an insulting remark escape his lips
"A very gentle man
"But let a woman in your life
"And patience hasn't got a chance
"She will beg you for advice Your reply will be concise
"And she'll listen very nicely
"Then go out and do precisely What she wants!
"You were a man of grace and polish
"Who never spoke above a hush
"Now all at once you're using language
"That would make a sailor blush
"Let a woman in your life
"And you're plunging in a knife!
"Let the others of my sex
"Tie the knot around their necks
"I'd prefer a new edition Of the Spanish Inquisition
"Than to ever let a woman in my life
"I'm a quiet-living man
"Who prefers to spend the evenings
"In the silence of his room
"Who likes an atmosphere as restful
"As an undiscovered tomb
"A pensive man am I Of philosophic joys
"Who likes to meditate, contemplate
"Free from humanity's mad, inhuman noise
"A quiet-living man
"But let a woman in your life
"And your sabbatical is through
"In a line that never ends Come an army of her friends
"Come to jabber and to chatter And to tell her
"What the matter is with you!
"She'll have a booming, boisterous family
"Who will descend on you en masse
"She'll have a large, Wagnerian mother
"With a voice that shatters glass!
"Let a woman in your life
"I shall never let a woman...
"...in my life!"
Get out of 'ere. Jamie, you get out, too!
Come on, Doolittle. And remember, drinks is to be paid for or not drunk.
Thanks for your 'ospitality, George.
Send the bill to Buckingham Palace.
Well, Alfie, there's nothin' else to do. I guess it's back to work.
Work! Don't you dare mention that word in my presence again.
Look at all these poor blighters down here.
I used to do that sort of thing once. Just for exercise.
It's not worth it. Takes up your whole day.
Don't worry, boys. We'll get outta this somehow.
How do you think you'll do that?
How? Same as always.
Faith, hope and a little bit o' luck.
"The Lord above gave man an arm of iron
"So he could do his job and never shirk
"The Lord above gave man an arm of iron, but
"With a little bit o' luck With a little bit o' luck
"Someone else'll do the blinkin' work!
"With a little bit
"With a little bit o' luck You'll never work
"The Lord above made liquor for temptation
"To see if man could turn away from sin
"The Lord above made liquor for temptation, but
"With a little bit o' luck With a little bit o' luck
"When temptation comes you'll give right in.
"With a little bit
"With a little bit o' luck You'll give right in.
"Oh, you can walk the straight and narrow
"But with a little bit o' luck you'll run amuck!
"The gentle sex was made for man to marry
"To share his nest and see his food is cooked
"The gentle sex was made for man to marry, but
"With a little bit o' luck With a little bit o' luck
"You can have it all and not get hooked.
"With a little bit
"With a little bit o' luck You won't get hooked
"With a little bit
"With a little bit o' bloomin' luck!
"They're always throwing goodness at you
"But with a little bit o' luck a man can duck
"The Lord above made man to 'elp his neighbor
"No matter where on land, or sea, or foam
"The Lord above made man to 'elp his neighbor, but
"With a little bit o' luck With a little bit o' luck
"When he comes around you won't be home"
You'd make a good suffragette, Alfie.
Why, there's the lucky man now.
The Honorable Alfie Doolittle.
What are you doing in Eliza's house?
Her former residence!
You can buy your own drinks now, Alfie Doolittle.
Fallen into a tub of butter, you have.
What are you talkin' about?
Your daughter, Eliza.
You're a lucky man, Alfie Doolittle.
What about Eliza?
He don't know. Her own father an' he don't know.
Moved in with a swell, Eliza has.
Left here in a taxi all by herself, smart as paint.
An' ain't been home for three days.
Go on.
And this mornin' I gets a message from 'er.
She wants her things sent over...
...to 27 A Wimpole Street...
...care of Professor Higgins.
An' what things does she want?
Her birdcage and her Chinese fan.
But she says:
"Never mind about sending any clothes."
I knew she had a career in front of 'er.
We're in for a booze-up.
The sun is shining on Alfred P. Doolittle.
"A man was made to 'elp support his children
"Which is the right and proper thing to do
"A man was made to 'elp support his children, but
"With a little bit o' luck With a little bit o' luck
"They'll go out and start supportin' you
"With a little bit
"With a little bit o' luck they'll work for you
"With a little bit
"With a little bit o' bloomin' luck!
"It's a crime for a man to go philanderin'
"And fill his wife's poor 'eart with grief and doubt
"It's a crime for a man to go philanderin', but
"With a little bit o' luck With a little bit o' luck
"You can see the bloodhounds don't find out!
"With a little bit
"With a little bit o' luck She won't find out!
"With a little bit o' bloomin' luck!"
The mail, sir.
Pay the bills and say no to the invitations.
You simply cannot go on working the girl this way.
Making her say her alphabet over and over...
...from sunup to sundown, even during meals.
You'll exhaust yourself. When will it stop?
When she does it properly, of course. Is that all, Mrs. Pearce?
There's another letter from the American millionaire, Ezra D. Wallingford.
He still wants you for his Moral Reform League.
Throw it away.
It's the third letter he's written you. You should at least answer it.
All right, leave it on the desk, Mrs. Pearce. I'll try and get to it.
If you please, sir. There's a dustman downstairs, Alfred P. Doolittle...
...who wants to see you. He says you have his daughter here.
I say!
Well, send the blackguard up.
He may not be a blackguard, Higgins.
Nonsense. Of course he's a blackguard, Pickering.
I'm afraid we'll have some trouble with him.
No, I think not. Any trouble to be had, he'll have it with me. Not I with him.
Doolittle, sir.
- Professor Higgins? - Here!
Where?
Good morning, Governor.
I come about a very serious matter, Governor.
Brought up in Houndslow.
Mother Welsh, I should think.
What is it you want, Doolittle?
I want my daughter, that's what I want. See?
Of course you do. You're her father, aren't you?
I'm glad to see you have a spark of family feeling left.
She's in there. Yes, take her away at once.
What?
Take her away. Do you think I am going to keep your daughter for you?
Now, is this reasonable, Governor?
Is it fairity to take advantage of a man like that?
The girl belongs to me. You got 'er. Where do I come in?
How dare you come here and attempt to blackmail me!
You sent her here on purpose!
Don't take a man up like that, Governor.
The police shall take you up. This is a plan...
...a plot to extort money by threats.
I shall telephone the police.
Have I asked you for a brass farthin'?
I leave it to this gentleman 'ere. Have I said a word about money?
Well, what else did you come for?
What would a bloke come for?
Be 'uman, Governor.
Alfred, you sent her here on purpose.
So help me, Governor, I never did.
How did you know she was here?
I'd tell you, Governor, if you'd let me get a word in.
I'm willing to tell ya. I'm wanting to tell ya.
I'm waiting to tell ya!
You know, Pickering, this chap's got a certain natural gift of rhetoric.
Observe the rhythm of his native woodnotes wild.
"I'm willing to tell you. I'm wanting to tell you. I'm waiting to tell you."
That's the Welsh strain in 'im.
How did you know Eliza was here if you didn't send 'er?
Well, she sent back for her luggage and I got to 'ear about it.
She said she didn't want no clothes.
What was I to think from that, Governor? I ask you, as a parent, what was I to think?
So you came here to rescue her from worse than death, eh?
- Yes, sir, Governor. That's right. - Yes.
Mrs. Pearce!
Eliza's father has come to take her away. Give her to him, will you?
Now wait a minute, Governor. Wait a minute.
You and me is men o' the world, ain't we?
Men of the world, are we? Perhaps you'd better go, Mrs. Pearce.
I think so indeed, sir!
Here, Governor.
I've took a sort of a fancy to you and...
...if you want the girl, I ain't so set on 'avin' her home again...
...but what I might be open to is an arrangement.
All I ask is my rights as a father.
You're the last man alive to expect me to let her go for nothing.
I can see you're a straight sort, Governor.
So...
...what's a five pound note to you? An' what's Eliza to me?
I think you should know, Doolittle...
...that Mr. Higgins' intentions are entirely honorable.
Of course they are, Governor. If I thought they wasn't, I'd ask 50.
You mean, you'd sell your daughter for 50 pounds?
Have you no morals, man?
No, I can't afford 'em, Governor. Neither could you if you was as poor as me.
Not that I mean any 'arm, but...
...if Eliza is gonna have a bit out o' this, why not me, too?
Why not?
Look at it my way. What am I?
I ask ya, what am I? I'm one o' the undeserving poor, that's what I am.
Think what that means to a man.
It means he's up against middle-class morality for all the time.
If there's anything goin' an' I ask for a bit of it, it's always the same story:
"You're undeservin', so you can't have it."
But my needs is as great as the most deservin' widows that ever got money...
...out of six different charities in one week for the death o' the same 'usband.
I don't need less than a deservin' man, I need more.
I don't eat less 'earty than he does and I drink...
...a lot more.
I'm playin' straight with you.
I ain't pretendin' to be deservin'. No, I'm undeservin'...
...and I mean to go on bein' undeservin'. I like it an' that's the truth.
But will you take advantage of a man's nature...
...do him out of the price of his own daughter, what he's brought up...
...fed and clothed by the sweat of his brow...
...till she's growed big enough to be interestin' to you two gentlemen?
Is five pounds unreasonable, I put it to you?
And I leave it to you.
You know, Pickering, if we took this man in hand for three months...
...he could choose between a seat in the Cabinet and a popular pulpit in Wales.
- We'd better give 'im a fiver. - He'll make bad use of it, I'm afraid.
Not me, Governor, so 'elp me I won't.
Just one good spree for meself an' the missus...
...givin' pleasure to ourselves and employment to others.
An' satisfaction to you to know it ain't been throwed away.
You couldn't spend it better.
This is irresistible. Let's give 'im ten.
The missus wouldn't have the 'eart to spend ten.
Ten pounds is a lot o' money.
Makes a man feel prudent-like, and then goodbye to 'appiness.
No, you just give me what I ask, Governor. Not a penny less, not a penny more.
I rather draw the line at encouraging this sort of immorality.
Why don't you marry that missus of yours?
After all, marriage isn't so frightening. You married Eliza's mother.
Who told you that, Governor?
Well, nobody told me. I concluded, naturally...
If we listen to this man for another minute we'll have no convictions left.
- Five pounds, I think you said. - Thank you, Governor.
Are you sure you won't have ten?
No. No, perhaps another time.
I beg your pardon, miss.
I won't say those ruddy vowels one more time.
Blimey, it's Eliza.
I never thought she'd clean up so good-looking.
She does me credit, don't she?
What are you doin' here?
Now, you hold your tongue and don't you give these gentlemen none o' your lip.
If you have any trouble with 'er, give 'er a few licks o' the strap.
That's the way to improve 'er mind.
Well, good morning, gentlemen. Cheerio, Eliza.
There's a man for you. A philosophical genius of the first water.
Write to Mr. Ezra Wallingford and tell him...
...if he wants a lecturer, to get in touch with Mr. Doolittle...
...a common dustman, one of the most original moralists in England.
What did he come for?
Say your vowels.
I know me vowels. I knew 'em before I come.
If you know them, say them.
Ahyee, e, iyee, ow, you.
A, E, I, O, U.
That's what I said. Ahyee, e, iyee, ow, you.
That's what I've said for three days an' I won't no more.
I know it's difficult, Miss Doolittle, but try to understand.
There's no use explaining. As a military man you should know that.
Drilling is what she needs.
Leave her alone or she'll turn to you for sympathy.
Very well, if you insist, but have a little patience with her.
Of course.
Say "A."
You ain't got no 'eart, you ain't.
I promise you, you'll say your vowels correctly before this day is out...
...or there'll be no lunch, no dinner, and no chocolates.
"Just you wait, 'Enry 'lggins Just you wait
"You'll be sorry But your tears will be too late
"You'll be broke and I'll have money Will I help you? Don't be funny!
"Just you wait, 'Enry 'lggins Just you wait
"Just you wait, 'Enry 'lggins Till you're sick
"And you screams To fetch a doctor double-quick
"I'll be off a second later And go straight to the theater
"Ho, ho, ho, 'Enry 'lggins Just you wait!
"Just you wait Until we're swimmin' in the sea
"And you get the cramp a little ways from me
"When you yell you're gonna drown I'll get dressed and go to town
"Just you wait!
"One day I'll be famous I'll be proper and prim
"Go to St. James so often I will call it St. Jim
"One evening the king will say 'Oh, Liza, old thing
"'I want all of England your praises to sing
"'Next week on the 20th of May
"'I proclaim Liza Doolittle Day
"'All the people will celebrate the glory of you
"'And whatever you wish and want I gladly will do'
"'Thanks a lot, King,' says I in a manner well-bred
"'But all I want is 'Enry 'lggins' 'ead'
"'Done! '
"Says the king with a stroke
"'Guard, run and bring in the bloke'
"Then they'll march you, 'Enry 'lggins, to the wall
"And the king will tell me:
"'Liza, sound the call'
"As they raise their rifles higher
"I'll shout: 'Ready, aim, fire! '
"Ho, ho, ho, 'Enry 'lggins, down you go
"Just you wait!"
All right, Eliza, say it again.
"The rine in Spine...
"...stais minely in the pline."
"The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain."
Didn't I saiy that?
No, Eliza, you didn't "saiy" that. You didn't even "say" that.
Every night before you go to bed, where you used to say your prayers...
...I want you to say:
"The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain."
Fifty times.
You'll get much further with the Lord if you learn not to offend His ears.
Now for your "H's."
Pickering, this is going to be ghastly.
Control yourself, Higgins. Give the girl a chance.
I suppose you can't expect her to get it right the first time.
Come here, Eliza, and watch closely.
Now, you see that flame?
Every time you pronounce the letter "H" correctly the flame will waver...
...and every time you drop your "H" the flame will remain stationary.
That's how to know you've done it correctly.
In time, your ear will hear the difference.
You'll see it better in the mirror. Now listen carefully.
"In Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire...
"...hurricanes hardly ever happen."
Now you repeat that after me.
"In Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire, hurricanes hardly ever happen."
"In 'artford, 'ereford and 'ampshire 'urricanes 'ardly hever 'appen."
Oh, no, no!
Have you no ear at all?
- Should I do it over? - No, please.
Start from the very beginning. Just do this.
Go on, go on.
Does the same thing hold true in India?
Have they the peculiar habit of not only dropping a letter...
...but using it where it doesn't belong, like "hever" instead of "ever"?
The girl, Higgins!
Go on. Go on.
"Poor Professor Higgins
"Night and day he slaves away
"Oh, poor Professor Higgins
"All day long on his feet
"Up and down until he's numb
"Doesn't rest, doesn't eat
"Doesn't touch a crumb"
Again, Eliza.
How kind of you to let me come.
No. "Kind of you."
How kind of you to let me come.
Kind of you. It's like "cup of tea."
Kind of you. Cup of tea. Say, "cup of tea."
Cuppatea.
No. "A cup of tea."
It's awfully good cake. I wonder where Mrs. Pearce gets it.
First rate. And those strawberry tarts are delicious. Did you try the pline cake?
Try it again.
- Did you try the... - Pickering!
Again, Eliza.
Cuppatea.
Oh, no.
Can't you hear the difference?
Look, put your tongue forward until it squeezes on the top of your lower teeth.
And then say "cup."
Then say "of."
Then say "cup, cup, cup, cup, of, of, of, of."
By Jove, Higgins, that was a glorious tea.
You finish the last strawberry tart. I couldn't eat another thing.
- I couldn't touch it. - Shame to waste it.
Oh, it won't be wasted. I know somebody who's immensely fond of strawberry tarts.
"Poor Professor Higgins
"On he plods against all odds
"Oh, poor Professor Higgins
"Nine p.m., ten p.m.
"On through midnight every night
"One a.m., two a.m., three..."
Four.
Five.
Six marbles.
I want you to read this and I want you to enunciate...
...every word just as if the marbles were not in your mouth.
"With blackest moss, the flower pots...
"...were thickly crusted, one and all."
Each word, clear as a bell.
"With blackest moss the flower...
"...pots."
I can't!
I say, Higgins, are those pebbles really necessary?
If they were necessary for Demosthenes they are necessary for Eliza Doolittle.
Go on, Eliza.
"With the blackest moss the flower pots...
"...were thickly crusted one and..."
I can't understand a word, not a word.
"With blackest moss, the flower pots...
"...were thickly crusted, one and all."
Perhaps the poem is a little too difficult for the girl.
Why don't you try something simpler, like "The Owl and the Pussycat"?
Yes, that's a charming one.
Pickering, I can't hear a word the girl is saying!
What's the matter?
I swallowed one.
It doesn't matter. I've got plenty more. Open your mouth. One, two...
"Quit, Professor Higgins
"Hear our plea, or payday we will quit
"Professor Higgins!
"'Ay' not 'I', 'O' not 'ow'
"Pounding, pounding in our brain
"'Ay' not 'I', 'O' not 'ow'
"Don't say 'rine' say 'rain"'
"The rain in Spain...
"...stays mainly in the plain."
I can't!
I'm so tired!
I'm so tired.
For God's sake, Higgins, it must be 3:00 in the morning.
Do be reasonable.
I am always reasonable.
Eliza, if I can go on with a blistering headache, you can.
I got a 'eadache, too.
I know your head aches. I know you're tired.
I know your nerves are as raw as meat in a butcher's window.
But think what you're trying to accomplish.
Just think what you're dealing with.
The majesty and grandeur of the English language...
It's the greatest possession we have.
The noblest thoughts that ever flowed through the hearts of men...
...are contained in its extraordinary, imaginative...
...and musical mixtures of sounds.
And that's what you've set yourself out to conquer, Eliza.
And conquer it you will.
Now try it again.
"The rain in Spain...
"...stays mainly in the plain."
What was that?
"The rain in Spain...
"...stays mainly in the plain."
Again.
"The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain."
I think she's got it.
"The rain in Spain Stays mainly in the plain
"By George, she's got it By George, she's got it
"Now once again Where does it rain?
"On the plain, on the plain
"And where's that soggy plain?
"In Spain, in Spain
"The rain in Spain Stays mainly in the plain
"In Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire
"Hurricanes hardly happen
"How kind of you to let me come
"Now once again Where does it rain?
"On the plain, on the plain
"And where's that blasted plain?
"In Spain, in Spain
"The rain in Spain Stays mainly in the plain"
We're making fine progress, Pickering. I think the time has come to try her out.
Are you feeling all right, Mr. Higgins?
Yes, I'm feeling fine. How are you?
- Very well, thank you. - Good.
Let's test her in public and see how she fares.
Mr. Higgins, I was awakened by a dreadful pounding.
Do you know what it might have been?
I didn't hear any pounding. Did you, Pickering?
If this goes on, you'd better see a doctor.
- I know. We'll take her to the races. - The races?
My mother's box at Ascot.
- You'll consult your mother first, of course. - Yes, of course.
No, I think we'd better surprise her. Now let's go to bed.
First thing in the morning, we'll go and buy her a dress.
Now get on with your work, Eliza.
But, Mr. Higgins, it's early in the morning.
What better time to work than early in the morning?
Where does one buy a lady's gown?
Whitely's, of course.
How do you know that?
Common knowledge.
Let's not buy her anything too flowery.
I despise those gowns with weeds here and weeds there.
We'll buy something simple and modest...
...and elegant. That's what's called for.
Perhaps with a bow.
Yes. That's just right.
You've all been working too hard. I think the strain is beginning to show.
Eliza, I don't care what Mr. Higgins says.
You must put down your books and go to bed.
"Bed! Bed! I couldn't go to bed
"My head's too light to try to set it down
"Sleep! Sleep! I couldn't sleep tonight
"Not for all the jewels in the crown!
"I could have danced all night
"And still have begged for more
"I could have spread my wings
"And done a thousand things
"I've never done before
"I'll never know what made it so exciting
"Why all at once my heart took flight
"I only know when he
"Began to dance with me
"I could have danced, danced, danced...
"...all night!"
It's after three now.
Don't you agree now?
She ought to be in bed!
"I could have danced all night
"And still have begged for more
"I could have spread my wings
"And done a thousand things
"I've never done before
"I'll never know what made it so exciting
"Why all at once my heart took flight
"I only know when he
"Began to dance with me
"I could have danced, danced, danced...
"...all night!"
It's all been grand, dear.
But now it's time to sleep!
"I could have danced all night
"And still have begged for more
"I could have spread my wings
"And done a thousand things
"I've never done before
"I'll never know what made it so exciting
"Why all at once my heart took flight
"I only know when he
"Began to dance with me
"I could have danced, danced, danced...
"...all night!"
"Every duke and earl and peer is here
"Everyone who should be here is here
"What a smashing, positively dashing
"Spectacle, the Ascot opening day
"At the gate are all the horses
"Waiting for the cue to fly away
"What a gripping, absolutely ripping
"Moment at the Ascot opening day
"Pulses rushing
"Faces flushing
"Heartbeats speed up
"I have never been so keyed up!
"Any second now
"They'll begin to run
"Hark! A bell is ringing
"They are springing forward. Look!
"It has begun
"What a frenzied moment that was
"Didn't they maintain an exhausting pace?
"It was a thrilling, absolutely chilling
"Running of the Ascot opening race!"
Mother!
Henry! What a disagreeable surprise.
Hello, Mother.
How nice you look.
What are you doing here? You promised never to come to Ascot. Go home.
I can't. I'm here on business.
You must. I'm quite serious. You'll offend all my friends.
The moment they meet you I never see them again.
Besides, you aren't dressed for Ascot.
I changed my shirt. Mother, I've got a job for you.
A phonetics job. I've picked up a girl.
Not a love affair. She's a flower girl.
I'm taking her to the annual Embassy Ball but I wanted to try her out first.
- I beg your pardon? - Well, you know the Embassy Ball.
So I invited her to your box today, do you understand?
Common flower girl?
I taught her how to speak properly.
She has strict instructions as to her behavior.
She's to keep to two subjects: The weather and everybody's health.
"Fine day!" and "How do you do?" Not let herself go on.
Help her along. You'll be quite safe.
Safe? To talk about one's health in the middle of a race?
She's got to talk about something.
Where is the girl now?
She's being pinned. Some of the clothes we bought her didn't fit.
I told Pickering we should have taken her with us.
- Mrs. Eynsford-Hill. - Good afternoon, Mrs. Higgins.
You know my son, Henry.
How do you do?
- I've seen you somewhere before. - I don't know.
It doesn't matter. You better sit down.
Where the devil can they be?
Colonel Pickering, you're just in time for tea.
Thank you, Mrs. Higgins. May I introduce Miss Eliza Doolittle?
My dear Miss Doolittle.
How kind of you to let me come.
Delighted, my dear.
- Lady Boxington. - How do you do?
- Lord Boxington. - How do you do?
How do you do?
- Mrs. Eynsford-Hill, Miss Doolittle. - How do you do?
How do you do?
And Freddy Eynsford-Hill.
How do you do?
Miss Doolittle.
Good afternoon, Professor Higgins.
The first race was very exciting, Miss Doolittle.
I'm so sorry that you missed it.
Will it rain, do you think?
"The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain."
"But in Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire, hurricanes hardly ever happen."
How awfully funny.
What is wrong with that, young man? I bet I got it right.
Smashing.
Has it suddenly turned chilly?
I do hope we won't have any unseasonable cold spells.
They bring on so much influenza.
And the whole of our family is susceptible to it.
My aunt died of influenza, so they said.
But it's my belief they done the old woman in.
Done her in?
Yes, Lord love you.
Why should she die of influenza...
...when she'd come through diphtheria right enough the year before.
Fairly blue with it she was.
They all thought she was dead.
But my father, he kept ladling gin down her throat.
Then she come to so sudden she bit the bowl off the spoon.
Dear me!
Now what call would a woman with that strength in her...
...have to die of influenza?
And what become of her new straw hat that should have come to me?
Somebody pinched it.
And what I say is:
Them 'as pinched it, done her in.
Done her in? "Done her in," did you say?
Whatever does it mean?
That's the new small talk. "To do somebody in" means to kill them.
But you surely don't believe your aunt was killed?
Do I not?
Them she lived with would have killed her for a hatpin, let alone a hat.
But it can't have been right for your father...
...to pour spirits down her throat like that.
It might have killed her.
Not her. Gin was mother's milk to her.
Besides, he poured so much down his own throat he knew the good of it.
Do you mean that he drank?
Drank? My word. Something chronic.
Here, what are you sniggering at?
The new small talk. You do it so awfully well.
Well, if I was doing it proper, what was you sniggering at?
Have I said anything I oughtn't?
Not at all, my dear.
Well, that's a mercy anyhow.
I don't know if there's time before the next race to place a bet...
...but come, my dear.
I have a bet on number seven. I should be so happy if you would take it.
You'll enjoy the race ever so much more.
That's very kind of you.
His name is Dover.
Come along.
"There they are again
"Lining up to run
"Now they're holding steady
"They are ready for it. Look!
"It has begun"
Come on. Come on, Dover.
Come on.
Come on, Dover!
Come on!
Come on, Dover! Move your bloomin' arse!
Oh, my dear.
You're not serious, Henry. You don't expect to take her to the Embassy Ball.
Don't you think she's ready for it?
Dear Henry, she's ready for a canal barge.
Her language may need a little refining, but...
Really, Henry, if you cannot see how impossible this whole project is...
...then you must be potty about her.
I advise you to give up and not put yourself...
...or this poor girl through any more.
It's the most fascinating venture I've ever undertaken.
Pickering and I are at it from morning till night. It fills our whole lives.
Teaching Eliza, talking to Eliza, listening to Eliza, dressing Eliza.
You're a pretty pair of babies playing with your live doll.
Here's the car.